HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF

But I’m a sunflower, a little funny,

If I were a rose, maybe you’d want me,

If I could I’d change overnight,

I’d turn into something you like,

But I’m a sunflower, a little funny,

If I were a rose maybe you’d pick me,

And I know you don’t have a clue,

This sunflower’s waiting for you.

Sunflower by Shannon Purser (Sierra Burgess is a Loser, an original Netflix movie)

So why did I mention this little snippet of a song I really like? Well, first, this is one of the best romance movie I’ve ever watched (mainly because of Noah Centineo!!!), and second, this is the movie in which I discovered how I really feel about myself.

Sierra Burgess is a “loser” who is basically fat, ugly and non-sociable. At least that is what people think of her. In reality, she is actually someone who is very expressive on paper as she likes to write. The song Sunflower was actually what she wrote herself after all of the hard time she went through. Every losers in movies will always be bullied by a very hot popular girl in the whole school, and in this case, it’s Veronica. Remember this name as she is one of the biggest contribute to me finding myself in this movie. 

And before I forget, my name is Aishah Azhar, aka Aishah.

Be brave, embrace who you truly are

One major similarity between me and Sierra Burgess is our appearance. At least that’s what I feel. Fatty build, no fashion sense and most importantly, the ugly face. Even though she was bullied on her daily basis, she always stays true to herself. She embraced her ugly traits and disadvantages. She didn’t even dreamt to be one of those rose girls who always get what they want. Those pretty girls, like Veronica. Watching this movie made me realize that how bad people think of our appearance is because there is almost nothing else that they can pick on about us.

Sierra Burgess made sure to support her “loser vibe” with her ability to write beautiful songs, stories and her good grades. She made people realized that she is a capable woman regardless of how she look. After watching that movie, I started finding my true self, my talent, what I truly capable of doing. If I can ace that in my life, it won’t matter what people think about my appearance, I will be able to believe in myself and prove that I am in some ways better than them. I can be more confident in myself and will not let all of those negativity destroy my opportunity to become a better version of me.

NEVER ever judge a book by its cover

I would be lying if I say that I have never misjudge anyone just by how they looked on the outside. The one thing that I still feel mad at myself is that I am still doing it. I regret not trying to understand those around me better. I envied those people with best friends who they can share almost everything about themselves. Me, on the other hand, am still scared and terrified to open up to others because I judge people too much, leading to myself being lonely and depressed. That is also one of the things that Sierra Burgess did.

Sierra Burgess misjudged Veronica by not trying to understand the reason she ended up the way she is. Her personality is really bad at school. A cheerleader captain, the most famous and desired student in the whole school. What Sierra Burgess don’t realize is that behind her rotten personality lays her vulnerable side where she is stressed out with her home environment when her mother had been forcing her to do ballet after her father had left them. The stress that had been built since the day her father left, followed with endless of urges from her mother side made her develop a terrible attitude at school where she tends to escape the reality.

If only Sierra Burgess knew how kind Veronica is on the inside sooner, they would have been the best of a friend since so long ago. That particular mistake is what I have been executed successfully throughout the 19 years and 3 months of my life that I ended up being lonely. If I could turn back time, I would most probably break the barrier I put due to too much judging and try to get to know them regardless of how they look on the outside. Maybe then will I be able to eradicate this uneasiness of being lonely.

If I am to share everything I feel about myself, there’ll be no end to it. I would be able to publish a whole book about it. But so far, those two things are what I hate about myself and the way I want to change so that I will be able to mix in well with the whole society soon. Truly enjoys writing this, though you folks might be thinking that this is a very boring topic. I mean, who in the whole world want to know about me? Setting those aside, I really hope that you will be able to discover how you feel about yourself as well as it may help you overcoming your disadvantages and allows you to become the best version of yourself.

Be writing more next week. Until next time.

XOXO -sunflower-